Should I tell or keep it a secret?

Have you ever been in a situation where you don't know what to do? Its not easy being in a situation, where you're unsure of not knowing what to do. I was questioning myself, if I should keep this secret or reveal the truth. Keeping the secret to myself would have people questioning my loyalty, if the secret came out. Then on the other hand, revealing the secret may destroy a family and break someone's heart in the process. What to do when you don't know what to do?

Stacey and I were best friends for 7 years. I was the God mother to her children. Stacey was in a long-term relationship with a guy I grew up with. We were from the same neighborhood. One night I decided to go to a bar, alone. I never go anywhere without a plus one or a group. This night was different, I decided to go enjoy myself. After being at the bar for maybe an hour, I ran into Stacey's boyfriend. We chatted for a while and went our separate ways. I had made it to the dance floor and was enjoying myself. I felt someone walk up on me to dance, but I didn't think to turn around and see who it was. When I finally did, I got the shock of my life and realized it was Stacey's boyfriend. He was too close for my comfort, so I put space between us and continued dancing. Once the bar closed, Stacey's boyfriend followed me outside to my car. He then proceeded to ask where was I going and could he come home with me. I declined, not only was his girlfriend my best friend, but she was also pregnant with his child. Once I turned him down; he asked me if I was going to rat him out to Stacey.  I advised him at this point it wasn't anything to tell, but if he didn't stop making passes at me she would find out.

The next day I consulted my mother for advice. She gave me her opinion; which was to keep it to myself because she's been in that position before. The female didn't believe her and got upset with her thinking she wanted her boyfriend. From my mom's experience, she stated whether I told Stacey or not, she'd probably be with her boyfriend regardless. I know I can trust my mom, so I was going to do exactly what she told me. Little did I know, the rumors had already gotten back to Stacey. Contrary to what I stated, onlookers told Stacey I was dancing on her boyfriend in the bar. At that point I felt I had no choice but to reveal what I wanted to hide in secrecy. Stacey confronted me with the rumors and I told her what happened. Stacey was upset with me and felt betrayed because I should have told her. She did not understand if we were suppose to be best friends, why would I keep this secret from her. I tried to plead my case but it failed. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted to keep confusion down. It would be awkward still visiting her, looking in her boyfriend's face, and being her friend if I ratted him out and they stayed together. Ultimately, Stacey didn't feel she knew what happened on my behalf or her boyfriends. She chose to end our friendship months after the ordeal. Like my mother said, she and the boyfriend still remained together; until he did the same thing with someone else.

The virtue approach stands out to me with this issue. "Virtues are dispositions and habits that enable us to act according to the highest potential of our character and on behalf of values like truth and beauty (Behrens, 2016)." I wanted to withhold a secret to keep my friendship; but also I didn't want to bring hurt to someone I cared about. I was considering her feelings and what the situation may do to her. I learned it is always best to be honest, because the truth can always be revealed. Like the saying goes, what is done in the dark will always come to light. I feel I demonstrated compassion by wanting to protect my friend from being hurt. This situation taught me just because I think I'm making the right decision, doesn't mean its the right choice for someone else. Ethics gives us insight of how we are supposed to act, but it doesn't give insight as far as what to do in real life situations. The solutions to situations are solely up to us. We have to make decisions that may change lives on our own and hope for the best outcome.

The utilitarian approach can fit into this dilemma as well. The term utilitarian is the one that provides the most good or does the least harm, or, produces the greatest balance of good over harm (Behrens, 2016). By keeping the secret, I would've been possibly keeping a family together. I was attempting not to cause harm to others, I wanted the outcome to be good. Even though Stacey did not see my point of view, I thought I was doing right. Different alternatives were considered, I just felt keeping it to myself was for the best.

With moral development, Stage 3 is Good Interpersonal Relationships. "Stage 3 reasoning works best in two-person relationships with family members or close friends, where one can make a real effort to get to know the others feelings and needs and try to help (Behrens, 2016)." This stage fits perfectly with my dilemma. I wasn't going to gain anything by losing my friend. I was more concerned with her feelings and not stressing her while she was pregnant. When dealing with interpersonal relationships, "motives should be good and and they should gain interpersonal feelings like love, concern, empathy and trust for others (sites.google.com)." I had empathy for my friend because I know what its like to have your heart broken. My decision may not have been fair, but my heart was in the right place.


For examples of ethical dilemmas, visit this site:
http://examples.yourdictionary.com/ethical-dilemma-examples.html


#WhatToDo?????

Works Cited

Behrens, Laurence. "Reading and Writing Across the Curriculum." Potthoff, Brad, Pearson, 2016, pp. 276-287.

Crain, W.C. (1985). Theories of Development. Prentice-Hall. pp. 118-136. 
"Ethical Dilemma Examples." YourDictionary, n.d. Web. 13 February 2018. <http://examples.yourdictionary.com/ethical-dilemma-examples.html>.